Fractured Dreams
by LoVefan4ever
Summary: Veronica knows that the one thing she wants most will turn her into the one person she is the most scared of becoming. LoVe eventually. FutureFic.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: "Fractured Dreams**"

**Part 1/2**

**Characters/Pairings: Logan/Veronica, Veronica/Duncan, Keith**

**Rating: PG-13 (for some language)**

**Spoilers: This is a future fic so you should know what happened in the whole series but there isn't anything episode specific.**

**Disclaimers: You should know, I should know, they should know by now. I don't own anything. It's all Rob Thomas.**

**A/N: I'm still working on my story "The Realization of a Lifetime," I promise. It's just that this fic was worming its way through my brain and wouldn't be ignored. I should have the next chapter of that up soon along with the second installment of this.**

**Please, please review and let me know if you like it or not. I guess if you don't, I won't have to bother finishing the second part.**

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She told herself that this would never happen. That she'd made the right choices in life and there would never be a need for regrets and disappointments. Of course that was before Logan Echolls decided to show up on her doorstep two days before her wedding to Duncan Kane, profusely spouting declarations of love and destiny. And his version of destiny wasn't with her riding off into the sunset with the software prince charming, it was being whisked away by the dread pirate Echolls. _No, no... this is definitely not happening._

"Logan... You just can't show up out of the blue and tell me you love me and that I can't marry Duncan. You've been in Hollywood too long...It just doesn't work like that."

"Veronica..."

"Look, I'm not sure what you expected to come of this grand gesture but it's about, I dunna know... six years to late. I love Duncan, I'm marrying Duncan." she said soundly in an attempt to either derail his intentions or reassure herself of her own. Which, she wasn't sure.

"Yeah, well I had a grand gesture planned for then, too, but Duncan had to go and ruin it."

"Don't you dare blame this on Duncan. Don't blame your issues... what grand gesture?"

The sadness invaded him and desperation started to take over. He didn't know what to expect when he came here but Veronica's indifference was begging to unnerve him. In all their years as lovers, friends, enemies, not once had she been so unaffected by him. And that scared him.

"Never mind. I doesn't matter now. I... just... God, Veronica... you just can't marry Duncan, ok?"

"Wow! Now that's enough to get a girl swooning. Let me just make a call right now and cancel the wedding. Any girl would love to have the famous Logan Echolls and I should feel lucky that he wants me at all... I should just drop my Fiancé two days before the wedding and come running into his waiting arms."

Logan leaned back on the balls of his feet, running his left through his already tousled hair and let out a deep sigh.

"God, Logan... is that how you pictured it... I'd just come running back to you, dumping Duncan without a backwards glance?"

"Why not? That's what you did, isn't it," Logan asked, the bitterness almost tangible.

Veronica stilled, squared her shoulders and prepared for the inevitable battle that was to come. So far their exchange had been fairly calm but all that was about to change in one long, deep intake of breath.

"You. Left. Me. Remember? I believe your exact words were 'I was wrong to think you could ever replace Lilly' before walking out the door and to your new life."

Logan had the good sense to hang his head in shame. He had said that. He knew just what to say to really make it sting. They had too much practice, knew each others weaknesses too well, had too much experience in hitting below the belt. But god, seeing her in Duncan's arms that morning had left him teetering on the edge. And when he found out their little secret... well let's just say it sent him leaping head first into whatever oblivion was waiting for him.

"Now, please Logan, just leave. Lilly's still dead and I still can't be her so just stop pretending that it was ever me that you wanted."

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Flashback

_The day was finally here. This day would be perfect. Both he and Veronica were graduating from Hearst College and it was going to be the beginning of the rest of their lives together. He had been to New York a few months earlier to go shopping. He had told Veronica that it had been to take care of some unfinished business with his parents estate but it'd really been a ruse. His real intentions were far more important. After spending more than three hours in Tiffany's he'd finally chosen the perfect symbol of his everlasting love._

_Graduation wasn't until two o'clock but Logan had decided start the day out with a surprise. He wanted this day to be magical for Veronica. Stopping by her favorite bakery he picked up two of each pastry and then swung by Starbucks for her favorite coffee before making his way to her apartment. He was giddy with excitement, feeling more like a school boy than a college graduate, but that's what Veronica did to him. And he could say, he didn't mind it in the least._

_He was sure she would still be asleep so he used the key that she'd given him and let himself in. His heart plummeted to his stomach when he took in the sight in front of him. Duncan Kane. Duncan Kane in Veronica's living room. Hugging Veronica. And she was smiling. Happy, smiling Veronica in the arms of another man. But not just any man. Duncan Kane. _

_Logan walked over and put the box of pastries and the two coffees on the bar before he unceremoniously dropped them on the floor. Looking up from her embrace of Duncan, Veronica spotted him. He did not look happy. __Taken off guard by his surprise visit, the words could only stumble ungracefully out of her mouth. _

"_Logan! Um... hi!... What are you doing here?"_

_She was trying for nonchalant but instead, it just coming out desperate. _

_He took one step closer, the anger evident in his eyes but even more so in his voice._

"_I came to surprise my girl-friend, but I guess I'm the one with the surprise."_

_Duncan, seemingly oblivious to Logan's anger or the tension in the room moved to shake Logan's hand. Logan never moved, never took his steely stare off Veronica. Finally getting the vibe that maybe it was a bad time to come, Duncan started to apologize to them._

"_Veronica, I'm sorry I came by so early. I know you wanted to wait to later this afternoon but I couldn't wait to see you." He glanced towards Logan before continuing, "To see you both. And Veronica, I just wanted to thank you again for helping me. I could have never returned if is wasn'tfor you."_

_And with that Duncan gave them both apologetic looks and left._

_Veronica could feel Logan's anger building up just waiting to be released. She tried to head him off._

"_Logan you don't understand. It was..."_

"_How long, Veronica?"_

"_But if you'd..."_

"_How long!!"_

_Veronica visibly flinched at his shouting but it wasn't enough to keep him in check. His girlfriend, the love of his life had been secretly plotting to bring her long lost first love back into her life. The betrayal that Logan felt in that moment was immeasurable._

_She hung her head a answered meekly._

"_A little over a year."_

_Veronica braced herself for the inevitable verbal onslaught but it never came. She looked up at him and was surprised to find him smiling. But it wasn't a happy smile. It was forced and it was one of the smirk's he wore back during his jackass days right before he was ready to dig deep into his arsenal of wounding words._

"_You know what, Ron-nie? You can have your precious Duncan. After all, we're both just trying to replace our true loves with each other, right?"_

_Veronica recoiled at his harshness. She never thought Logan could go that low... at least not the Logan she knew and loved, now. Tears were threatening but she clenched her jaw hard and took deep breaths to keep them from flowing. He was reverting back to his old self and her natural defenses started kicking in. She wouldn't let him see her cry, wouldn't let him know her words cut her so deeply._

_But Logan knew his words were like knives. He knew he was hitting Veronica hard even though she was trying her best not to show it. He knew that he should stop now and drop down on his knees and beg for her forgiveness. But the hurt was deep, the betrayal fresh and he was too far gone to stop now. Everything he had worked so hard to become for himself and for Veronica was being crushed in the matter of ten minutes. And the trek back up that mountain just seemed too long and too hard to try again. So he might as well make the most of being at the bottom._

"_I was wrong to think you could ever replace Lilly."_

_Logan served her with an icy glare before stomping out the door and slamming it behind him. The door was barely latched before both he and Veronica were reduced to tears, feeling their loss simultaneously._

End Flashback

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Damn. He'd been a bastard. It was what had kept him away all those years. Too ashamed that he could ever hurt someone he loved so much and too afraid she would never, ever forgive him. He felt his heart drop and the lump in his chest growing exponentially. But he was here now and he couldn't let their story end that way. It wasn't really meant to end at all.

How was he going to make her realize it? He'd been so stupid back then, letting his insecurities get the best of him. She would probably never forgive him but if he could just touch her... just kiss her... she would remember. Secret kisses, gentle caresses, skin ablaze with passion, her body surely would remember what her mind was trying to block out. He wanted her to remember what things were like before that night.

When he looked up at her again he could see the tell-tell signs of anger creeping over her whole body. Her face was flushed hot pink and she was taking great pains to keep her jaw clenched and her breath even.

"Veronica..." he said breathlessly, "You know that's not..."

He was abruptly silenced as the breeze caused by the slamming of a large wooden door blew over him. He didn't know what in the world made him think that this was ever going to be easy. _Come on Logan, did you think the she would just fall right back in your arms... that she'd just been biding her time until you came to your senses. _He guesses he probably did. God, he was such a prick sometimes and all those ass- kissers in Hollywood weren't helping at all.

Well, there was one good thing. Angry Veronica was back and that was something he could work with. He definitely knew how to handle an angry Veronica. He steeled his resolve and raised his hand again to the door that had just been slammed in his face. He wasn't going to take the hint. Knocking loudly, he strained to hear tiny feet stomping towards the door. Silence. Surely she didn't think that ignoring him would work. Didn't she know him better than that?

"I'm not going away Veronica. You better open the door before your neighbors start getting really nosy. You wouldn't want Duncan..."

The door flew open as abruptly as it had been closed, revealing a infuriated tiny blond. Her arms were crossed across her chest, linked protectively by her hands clasping her elbows; her brow was furrowed and one eyebrow perked up trying to convey her best pissed off expression. Then there was of course the foot tap. Veronica's left foot angled out slightly, tapping furiously on the hardwood floor of the entryway. It was the cutest damn thing he'd ever scene.

"Go..."

Before she had a chance to get another word out of that beautiful pink pursed mouth, Logan lunged at her, assaulting her lips with his own. He reached his left hand around her back and circled her waist with his right, both in an attempt to keep her from falling backwards and to keep her from escaping.

At first she tried to pull away from him, keeping her lips sealed tight as to ward off Logan's advances but soon it just became futile. She wanted this, had longed for his touch for so long. It didn't matter how long it'd been, though, just one touch of his lips against hers and her skin was on fire, her heart pounding profusely. Her body could never forget the things he could do. No one else had ever come close.

Logan slammed the door with his foot and hefted her up. She immediately wrapped her legs around his waist, never breaking the contact between them. Her hands were in his hair, trying desperately to bring him closer. She would crawl inside him if it were possible. His lips broke from hers only to follow her chin down to that spot on her neck that drove her wild with desire. He found it quickly and sucked lightly, eliciting a gasp from Veronica. All thoughts became incoherent but she managed to muddle a few things between moans.

"Bedroom... that way," she breathed, pointing in the direction of her bedroom.

Logan cut his eyes to where she was pointing and began to carry her in that direction. A few bumps into the wall later and they were falling onto her bed still kissing each other frantically. He began to murmur endearments between kisses letting her know the things he had wanted to say since she opened that door.

"Oh, god... Veronica... missed you... missed this... love you."

Veronica grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it off, relishing the feel of his hard, toned chest against her seeking hands.

She had gone to see one of his movies once. He had been shirtless in one of the scenes and it was all she could do not to flush completely with the memory of his body on top of hers. She remembered being so terrified that Duncan, who was sitting beside her, would notice. But of course being typical Dunc... _Omigod... Duncan. I can't do this._

"Stop! Logan stop!"

Logan, slightly panicked, looked up from the unbuttoning of her shirt by his large,deft hands.

"I can't do this, Logan. I'm sorry."

She could see the disappointment and heartbreak written all over his face but his deep amber eyes shone with understanding. Logan could convey more emotions at the same time than anyone she'd ever known. That's why she had been so scared early in their relationship. She could see the needlovedesire in his face, in his eyes, and the intensity had both thrilled and frightened her at the same time.

Veronica moved off the bed towards her dresser and began to button her shirt back up. She couldn't look Logan in the eyes right now. To do so would just weaken her resolve. She had waited for this moment, waited for Logan to show up with his apologies and declarations of love, for years. When she realized he was never going to come she'd finally said 'yes' to Duncan and now here he was expecting her just to forget and forgive and fall into his waiting arms. And yet, that's exactly what she wanted to do.

She stayed silent for minute and Logan let her collect her thoughts. It wouldn't do to push her too hard now.

"I love Duncan, Logan, I really do."

"But not like you love me."

"I'm not going to even dignify that with a response."

Her back was to him but he heard her sigh and could see her shoulders slump, a sure sign of tiredness and defeat.

"It's different... I love you both differently."

Still unable to look at him, Veronica let out a deep breath, one she'd been holding for six years.

"It was for you, you know."

Logan was confused but Veronica, sensing it, quickly continued.

"I helped him come back, for you. For little Lilly, too, but mostly for you. It was going to be a surprise... a graduation surprise. He was your best friend once upon a time and I just wanted someone from your old life besides me to see the man you had become."

She turned around to face him, her eyes telling him that she'd come to some sort of absolution but he didn't miss the defeat still bracing her body.

"Don't do this Logan... please don't do this. Don't turn me into my mother. I love you... you know I do but I can't do that... I can't be her. I made him a promise and I made little Lilly a promise and I intend to keep them both. Don't make me a cheater and a deserter. We've both seen too many broken promises by the people we loved most. And I know what your thinking... if I go through with this wedding then I'll be just like her but I'll be faithful, I'll keep those promises. And I will never, ever abandon my family. So _**please**_...you have to be the strong one this time. If you ever loved me at all you'll let me marry Duncan."

"God, Veronica. You know I did... I do. I love you and would do anything for you but do you know what you're asking?"

"Yes. I'm asking you to keep me from despising myself."

Veronica had never pleaded with him about anything and now here she was, in the intimacy of her own bedroom begging him to keep her from turning into the one thing she feared the most... begging him to be the better person. The irony wasn't lost on him. The question was, could he do it?

Could he walk out that door, out of Veronica's inner sanctum and out of her life forever? He had done it once before but had been living in the hell of his mistake ever since. After all, he had come her to win her back, _**beg her **_for _**her**_ forgiveness. Looking at her, the utter fear of becoming her mother was emitting from every pore of her body. For once in her life, Veronica Mars looked helpless. She actually needed Logan Echolls to save her from herself. He knew that it would only take one long step towards her, she would fall into his arms, they would make love and then she would be his again. But at what cost? God, he loved her but he loved her too much to take her soul.

"Ok... ok," he drew out slowly, trying to mask the cracking of his voice.

She looked at him and had he not been looking so close he would have missed the look of gratitude in her eyes. He had done the right thing and she was thankful. She nodded slowly, keeping the tears that were threatening to fall at bay.

"So... I guess this is good-bye. We can't... we don't need to see each other again."

Logan swallowed the lump in his throat and let out a cough that half sounded like a sob.

"Right."

A moment passed, then two but neither one could seem to break the gaze they held with each other. A world of memories: innocent laughter, blond, long-haired girls, stolen kisses, epic speeches, rooftop revelations, cafeteria brawls and teary-eyed reunions all passed through the air between them. Their past, this present, someone's else's future, fractured dreams, repressed love. That's what they had to look forward to and back upon. Logan and Veronica's story together may have to end here but both knew their love never would.

Logan was the first to break both their intense gaze and wordless longings.

"I should go. I can let myself out."

Pausing briefly, he decided he couldn't leave it like this. Not without telling her once more how much he was sorry for and how much he truly loved her and only her.

"Veronica, I lov..."

She stopped him quickly with a open palm in the air.

"Please Logan. Don't. Don't make this any harder," she begged, squeezing her eyes shut for fear of looking at him.

He silently acquiesced before turning on a heel, making his way to the front door.

"Logan... wait..."

He tried to hide the immense hope welling up in his chest and filtering through his eyes before he turned around to face her. Hope apparently does spring eternal but after all, she_** is **_Veronica Mars, this could go either way. The moment he turned around to find her unchanged demeanor he inwardly cursed the whole damn concept of hope.

"Please don't come to the wedding."

He nodded quickly and walked out the door before his heart could break any more. The question that was plaguing him when he got here of whether he had waited too long had been answered. He had let the jealousy and bitterness drive him for far too long. Now it was too late.

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Veronica stared at herself in the mirror before opening the beautifully wrapped package sitting on the dressing room table. She forced a smile, taking in the slight lines around her eyes. Why did Logan have to come back? She was doing just fine without him dredging up hidden feelings and old regrets. But it didn't matter. She had made a promise to be Duncan's wife and she had kept that promise at all costs, including a perpetual breaking heart. She really did love Duncan. If she didn't she wouldn't have been able to stand in front of four hundred-plus people and promise to love, cherish and obey till death do them part. It could just never be the soul-consuming, earth shattering, skin burning, heart bulging kind of love that her and Logan had shared.

She returned her focus to the small square box adorned with silver paper and coordinating ribbon. No doubt from Duncan. A 'thanks for marrying me' gift if you will. That was Duncan, always thoughtful. It brought a genuine smile to her face that quickly fell as she opened the box, taking in the handwriting of the letter that sat inside. The letter was accompanied by a even smaller box in a very recognizable blue color. She reached in with shaky hands and opened the letter addressed 'Bobcat.' The tears began to well in her eyes as she read the words of Logan's heartfelt scrawl.

_Dearest Veronica,_

_I know you told me to stay away but I couldn't. I had to see you on your day. Don't worry I stayed completely out of sight, no one recognized me. I just needed to see what it was like, needed to imagine what it would be like if it was me up there with you, needed fuel for my dreams. By the way, you looked breathtaking. I know you took mine, but then, you always did._

_Veronica, I know that we can't be together and that you said we shouldn't see each other at all, but I have to ask one thing. Will you give me one day a year? Just one day to see you? We don't have talk or whatever, just let me see you and maybe exchange letters telling each other what's going on in our lives. Please. I know I really messed up but I'm asking for this one small thing. Our love deserves at least that. If you agree, meet me at Redemption Point just south of San Diego on September 7__th__ of next year at 3:00pm. I'll be waiting._

_And Veronica, one more thing. I just wanted you to know what it meant to me that you trusted me to be a better man. I'll never forget it._

_Yours, always and forever,_

_LE_

_P.S. The ring is yours. I was going to propose the night I walked out on you. I'm so sorry I gave up on you, on us, and even more sorry about those things I said. You know it's always been you, never Lilly. Anyways, I wanted you to have it._

Veronica did her best to wipe her tears away but it was no use, they just kept falling faster. She opened the Tiffany's box to reveal a black velvet one. The ring inside was beautiful. One simple solitaire, she guessed about two carats, mounted on a plain platinum band. Simple, elegant, classic... just what she would have wanted. She glimpsed at the ring set currently on her left hand and couldn't help but compare the two. Logan had always understood her, always knew what she wanted. It was going to be hard to remember sometimes why she didn't follow her heart, consequences be damned.

A knock on the door startled her from her reverie. She shoved the ring back in the box and threw in her bag before hastily wiping away her tears.

"Come in."

It was Sarah, the wedding planner.

"I'm sorry to bother you Mrs. Kane, but your husband is getting restless."

"Ok. Thanks Sarah. Tell him I'll be out in a minute."

"Sure, Mrs. Kane. Oh, and your Dad wants to come in. He wanted me to make sure you were decent."

"Of course. Let him in, thanks."

Sarah had just closed the door when her father walked back through it. He immediately took her red rimmed eyes and forced smile and took cause for concern.

"Oh, honey, what's wrong?"

His concerned fatherly tone did nothing to quell her tears. They fell even faster than before. Keith was at his daughters side and had her in a tight embrace in one fell swoop.

"Nothing, Dad. Just tears of happiness. I'm just... really happy," she tried to tell him in between sobs.

"Oh, Veronica, honey. You're going to be ok," he assured her, while rubbing soothing circles on her back. "It's going to be ok. You love Duncan and he loves you. Everything will work out. You will have a happy marriage and give little Lilly the safe and happy family that she deserves."

Keith pulled back slightly and tilted Veronica's chin up, gently forcing her to look him right in the eye.

"You made the right choice, Veronica, but if you're not sure we can fix it. We can have the marriage annulled. Honey I don't want to see you unhappy, ever. It's not too late."

What Duncan lacked in astuteness her Dad more than made up for. He knew her way too well. And somehow the concern in his eyes and confidence in her choice gave her the resolve she needed. She did love Duncan and she wanted them and little Lilly to be a family. Logan Echolls was her past. He walked out on her without a backwards glance and no chance at explanations. Duncan was the one who stayed. He was one who had been there for her for the past six years. And now she would be there for him for the next sixty.

Veronica pulled back from her Dad and smiled.

"You're right, Dad. I made the right choice. Let me fix my make-up and I'll be right out. Tell Duncan not to leave for our honeymoon without me."

Keith let out a loud chuckle.

"Just call it a hunch, but somehow I doubt a honeymoon by yourself would be any fun."

His laughter faded out and he looked at her pointedly with a soft and unguarded stare. The one reserved just for her.

"I love you kiddo."

"I love you, too, Dad."

He hugged her again and made his way to leave.

"Now get out here and save your husband from his mother," he said, winking at her before exiting out the door.

Veronica laughed. _God, Celeste. She would give a Saint something to cuss about. _She looked into the mirror once again, this time the face staring back at her was happier and much more content than before. She had made the right choice.

She grabbed a couple of items off the table, threw them into her bag and headed out the door, Logan's request all but forgotten. She was ready for her new life. She would be the loving wife and doting mother hers never was.

**To be continued...**

**A/N: Now before you all get your panties in a wad (hehehehe), remember there is still another part coming. **

**Now come on... you can do it. Hit the little button and review. Pretty please?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Title:** Fractured Dreams, Part 2/?

**Author:** LoVefan4ever

**Rating:** PG-13

**Characters/Pairings:** Veronica/Duncan now, Veronica/Logan eventually.

**Spoilers:** Probably up to 2.22, but nothing specific. This is a future fic.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything to do with Veronica Mars, although I desperately wished I did.

**A/N:** I'm really sorry I have taken this long to update. I won't bore you with all the excuses but I will tell you I promise not to take that long with the next update. And I know I originally said it would only be 2 parts but things have changed and I'm thinking it will be more like four. I hope you guys don't hate me too much. Thank you to everyone who still cares enough about this to read and review. You all are awesome!!

Oh, and no beta, so all mistakes are mine and I'm sure there are quite a few.

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"I just don't understand it. I mean with little Lilly all it took was that one time," Duncan stated, looking at his wife, confusion gracing his features.

"Are you saying that I'm at fault?" Veronica queried defensively.

"No, no... I'm sorry Veronica. You know I don't think it's your fault. It's just that we've been trying now for four years. The doctors say we're both fine... I just don't understand."

Veronica would have been more angry with the way this conversation was going if it wasn't for her own culpability. She even let him slide with the reference to he and Meg's sex life. Under normal circumstances she would have been appalled at the fact the he would have the nerve to bring _**that**_ up in a conversation of such a personal matter. That alone should qualify him as an insensitive jerk but he_** was **_Duncan and there was never any malice intended, only naivety.

Some days she almost longed for a few good insults thrown her direction, one's that were meant to really sting. She missed a good verbal sparring or a even a knock down drag out or two. Sighing, she forced herself to admit, at least inwardly, that it wasn't what she missed... it was _**who**_ she missed. She missed Logan.

But as it were, she had no leg to stand on. Her crimes were far worse than simple blandness and on most days Duncan's impassiveness mirrored her own. She really should feel worse about the whole situation, but she didn't. Not really.

"I don't know, Duncan. If it's meant to be it will happen," she said with a resigned sigh.

Pushing the covers off of her, Veronica made her way to her dressing room. They had been having this same conversation a lot lately and she wasn't any more comfortable with it.

Just to the right of the entrance to their en suite master bath was her own dressing room, complete with a huge walk in closet and dressing area. Veronica had found a gorgeous shabby chic dresser with matching mirror at a thrift store and had brought it home with her. Duncan had nearly had a coronary. He really was becoming a lot like his mother, arguing that it just wouldn't match the decor anywhere in the house. Later he'd apologized, telling her she could put it wherever she wanted, but Veronica liked it just where it stood. Her dressing room was her haven, the one place in the house that truly was all hers and hers alone.

Of course, Duncan never knew what_** really**_ drew her to the late 20's piece. The top right hand drawer of the dresser had a false bottom, probably used to hide an otherwise fine lady's secret stash during prohibition. Veronica opened the drawer, removing the false bottom and looked upon her own cache... the ring Logan had given her, his letters from the past four meetings, a yellow telegram, all well worn around the edges and her birth control pills. She really wasn't sure which she felt more guilty about or if she was honest with herself, if she really felt guilty at all.

She reached in and grabbed a pill, swallowing it dry, while she pulled the ring out of its black velvet home. Slipping off the set that currently resided on her left ring finger, she replaced them with the single band. Something about tempting fate came to mind, but fate had never been especially good to her so maybe it was about time it was tempted. Besides, she was seeing Logan tomorrow for their annual clandestine meeting and there was no time like the present to be batting a thousand in the guilt department.

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They had both been so careful in the past, taking great pains to avoid any paparazzi following or lurking nearby. Veronica always wore a different wig to conceal her identity even if Logan hadn't been able to ditch any unwanted company. But today she had been in a hurry, rushing to drop Lilly's soccer uniform off at her school since she'd forgotten it that morning, before heading to their annual meeting spot. It was only after stopping a gas station halfway to Redemption Point that she realized she had forgotten her wig.

Veronica frantically searched the entire car for anything that she could use to hide a least a little bit. It had been a year since she'd seen Logan, save magazines and red carpet interviews and she needed to see her Logan, not the Logan the media portrayed him as. As a rule she tried to avoid any media about him but sometimes it was just too much of a struggle. Not finding anything of use in the car, she made the decision that sunglasses would just have to do. She couldn't, or rather, wouldn't turn around now.

She had always been faithful to Duncan, at least physically. One could argue that being emotional invested in someone else besides your husband made you even less faithful but they didn't know her, didn't know them. It wasn't as easy as loving one or the other. When there was Lilly, they were equal, each having a corner of their own, but without her, their points were defined by the sharp slopes that connected them all. It was beyond impossible to keep the equilibrium of happiness they so desperately fought for. One of them always found themselves on the opposite end of the triangle.

Veronica had made her choice, to death do us part, but she had a hard time reminding her heart. So she gave herself this one day a year. It was the only time she allowed herself to wallow in what-could-have-beens and the mundaneness that had been her life of late was screaming for the escape it could provide. This one day she allowed herself to feel the love she had for another man.

As she drove along the coast she couldn't help but to be pulled in by the memories that arose from the familiar drive. The salty breeze assaulted her senses reminding her of days past. Each turn held anticipation, each curve, longing. The butterflies in her stomach shifted up and down along each straight-away serving as a constant reminder of who she was about to see.

It wasn't always that way, though. Their first meeting didn't happen; fear, anger and a true desire to make her marriage work, preventing her from seeing him. And of course she'd thought about Duncan and what it would do to him if he ever found out. It didn't matter that they were just two old friends meeting up, it was Logan, and he represented every thing that Duncan could never be, everything Veronica always wanted, needed. And she was pretty sure, despite desperately trying to hide it, she wasn't the only one who knew that very fact.

After she didn't show up that first year she thought that would be the end but she should have known better. About two weeks before the date he had originally requested they meet, she received a telegram from Spain. She idly wondered who in the heck sent telegrams anymore but the back of her mind tickled with remembrance of something she'd read earlier about a film Logan was doing over there. She couldn't stop the flip-flop her stomach did with the thought that it might be from him. She had opened it in private, silently reading the words over and over.

_I hear Redemption Point is beautiful this time of year- stop_

_Please- stop_

That last word had tugged on her heartstrings. That one word from that one man had overpowered all her sense and sensibilities and she had decided to meet him.

Veronica wasn't sure at what point it became more about Logan and less about Duncan but she had a pretty good idea about where it started. And with each passing year she was becoming more and more sure of one thing. A marriage certificate couldn't change her heart, not the way she wanted it to. Logan and the past five years had shown her that.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_**Flashback**_

Pulling up to the rocky strip of land that jetted out into the ocean, Veronica guessed that she was indeed at Redemption Point. She parked her white Ford Taurus which she had rented earlier in the day in the nearly deserted parking lot and thanked god it was a Monday. Off to her right the curve of the beach only held a minimal amount of surfers, a fact that Veronica guessed wouldn't be so if it was a weekend.

The point itself was separated from the parking lot by a wooden fence with an opening at the center, revealing a well worn path. Beyond that she could see a few intricately placed palms and the ground was covered in low lying shrubs.

Veronica followed the path through the ragged underbrush to the point where she found Logan. Even with his back turned towards her she couldn't help but to take a moment and relish the view that he provided. His shoulders were back, his lean muscular form still apparent despite the blue striped button up and jeans that he sported. His hands were tucked familiarly in his pockets and he looked so very statuesque against the blues of the ocean and sky. He was beautiful.

Even from her distance she could tell that he looked like he was truly in his element, so carefree, like he fit here. She remembered that he'd once told her that he belonged in the ocean, that it's swells soothed even the most troubled soul and that the only thing he loved more than its deep blue depths, was her. She wondered if he ever thought of that now.

_Stay on task, Veronica. You re here just as friends, no, just old acquaintances. Nothing more._

Turning around suddenly, he caught her off guard and she blushed furiously. She had been preparing herself for this meeting for weeks, telling herself that she wouldn't let him affect her this way and all it had taken was just one look. But preparing for and actually experiencing the flood of emotions that slammed into her were two totally different things. She realized with certain clarity that one could just not prepare for a face to face with Logan Echolls, especially when your name was Veronica Mars. And much to her chagrin, regardless if that name had a Kane tacked onto it now, the rush of just being near him hadn't subsided in the least. As he made his way towards her, her knees began to get weak she thought for the millionth time that this was definitely a bad idea.

Despite the red wig and baseball cap she was wearing he knew exactly who she was, or at least if the piercing gaze that was currently burning a hole in her soul was any indication he did.

"Ahhhh, a red-head..." Logan started with a smirk.

He walked several step closer to her and lowered his voice despite the absence of anyone but them.

"Do you know how many sexual fantasies are running around in my head right now?"

Veronica grew uncomfortable. She was supposed to keep this strictly platonic and things were quickly spiraling out of control.

"Logan, don't. I'm a married woman, now," she stated firmly. "I only came her because... well, I don't know why I came here. I should go."

She quickly turned to leave but he caught her upper arm.

"Veronica, wait... please... I'm sorry, I just wanted... just... you're right. You are a married woman and I intend to respect that. I promise. I won't make you uncomfortable again, just please don't leave. I've been looking forward to this for far too long," he said pleadingly.

Veronica knew she should turn around and run as fast as her legs would carry her. But sometimes it was too hard to refuse him, especially when he begged and looked at her liked every breath began and ended with her. She missed being looked at like that.

"Ok... I'll stay... but not too long."

When Logan was sure she wouldn't bolt he released her arm and Veronica silently mourned the loss of his touch. He then reached in his back pocket a produced a long rectangular envelope.

"Here... I wrote you a letter. I wasn't sure if you would come... so I thought I could mail it or something. Anyway, it's just some stuff about what's been going on with me over the last two years or so," he told her, shrugging his shoulders.

She reached out for it, grasping it between her fingers, grateful to have something to keep her hands from fidgeting.

"Well, I don't need a letter for that. All I need is the latest _People_ magazine," she informed him smirking, feeling a little at ease for the first time since she'd gotten here.

"Ah, checking up on me, are you Mars?"

Veronica knew she should correct him, remind him that she was a Kane and not a Mars, that he'd lost the right to call her that long ago, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. It felt nice and the easy smile gracing his face was just too beautiful to shoot down.

"Don't flatter yourself, Logan. Despite my having married into inherited wealth, I have to stand in the checkout line like the rest of the women in America."

"Yes, but I_** do **_believe I was on page eighteen which would require definite perusal. Maybe next year I'll make the cover and you won't even have to open the magazine to find me," he teased, winking at her.

The blush that crept up her cheeks did not escape him and Veronica decided it was time to change the subject.

"It's beautiful out here. Do you come here surfing or something?" she asked, looking out over the ocean.

"No, actually my grandfather Lester asked my grandmother to marry him here. I come here sometimes to get away from it all, you know."

Veronica smiled as he seemingly recalled a happier time. She had never met his mother's parents but he'd always talked about them with such fondness. But then she had a thought.

"Why September 7th?"

For a moment she thought she saw hurt in his eyes but if it was there he quickly masked it.

"No reason in particular. It just sounded like a nice day... not too hot..."

Logan had always been a terrible liar when one really looked. All too often she had skimmed over his emotions, either too wrapped up in her own game of charades or too scared to dig deeper, afraid of what she might have dug up for them both. But if there was one thing being a Kane for the last year and three months had taught her it was glassing over things never got you anywhere. And apparently being Veronica Mars had kept her ripe and ready for the role. She was just eternally sorry that Logan was the one who'd gotten the bad end of the deal. She felt the sudden need to apologize for everything.

"Logan, I'm sorry... I"

"Forget it Veronica, I told you, it's just a date..."

"No, not that…I'm sorry for everything," she looked at him, the unshed tears clearly sparkling in the sun, imploring him to understand. "I'm sorry."

Veronica didn't know how he did it but suddenly she was crying into his chest, his broad, safe arms wrapped securely around her, hands stroking her hair lovingly. She should move, she knew, but being in his arms, if only for a moment, allowed her to forget the cross that was always hers to bear. She wondered idly when she would have to stop paying for the sins of her mother. It seemed as if the Mars, Kane and Echolls' households would always be held in the triangular prison that had started so long ago.

Ever cautious of being swept away to easily in the wind that was Logan, she pulled back and hastily wiped her tears away.

"Thanks... but I should really go."

Logan only nodded, keeping his eyes intently on her.

She turned to leave but he once again kept her from going, this time by gently grabbing her hand.

"Veronica... tell me your happy. Please, I need to know you're happy. I need to know that everything was for the better… that giving you up was the right thing."

She looked up at him and forced a broad smile, choking back the tears that so easily threatened.

"I'm happy, Logan."

They both knew it was a lie.

Logan could only watch as she left, wondering what the next year would bring for them both, wondering if fate would ever see things their way, if lives would ever be done ruining, and hoping there would never have to be any more bloodshed.

Two miles down the road she realized what had happened on September 7th. It was the day he had promised her that no matter what, he would make sure nothing ever came between them again. It was the beginning of their junior year at Hearst and surprisingly they had managed to stay friends for over a year following the cafeteria incident. They were on his boat, finally getting their long overdue trip to Catalina when he'd told her that he thought they were ready, ready to move beyond just friends. And right then she couldn't have agreed more. It was then that he made his promise.

Veronica's thoughts had moved from longing to bitterness in a matter of seconds. It was he who made that promise and then he was the one who broke it. Maybe she married Duncan for more reasons than she'd originally thought. Maybe deep down she was more hurt than she would ever admit and in her own twisted way had decided to punish Logan out of spite. The only problem was that with his happiness, so went hers too. But no matter, she decided that would have to be the last time she would see Logan Echolls.

_**End Flashback**_

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She had thought she was safe. Eleven months had went by after that first meeting, allowing to go on pretending with her picture perfect life. It wasn't all bad. She did love Duncan in her own way and Lilly... well Lilly was Lilly. She had started develop some characteristics of her namesake which endeared her to Veronica even more, but she highly doubted she could ever be a true mother to the child.

But then, out of the blue she'd gotten another telegram. This time it had come from New York where she knew Logan was filming, and if she didn't know already, she only had to read the four simple words on the inside to know exactly who it came from.

_Same time, same place?- stop_

She had felt a familiar flutter in her chest, confirming the fact that as far as her heart was concerned, there would never be any ignoring Logan Echolls. And so she had met with him year after year in the same place leaving any guilt behind as she passed through the opening in the fence. That day alone was reserved for him.

As she pulled into the now familiar parking lot, she jumped out of the car, anxious to see him. Passing along the fence to the opening she noticed something new. The wooden fence had long been used as a canvas for carved declarations of love, but it was one in particular that caught her eye. There, nearest to where she always parked her car were the initials LE+VM branded into the rough wood. She ran her fingers over the inscription, feeling the curve of the moderately worn letters between their tips. It was a move that would probably entice a splinter or two but she didn't care. It was obvious that they had been there a while and she'd wondered when he'd done it. Making her way to the point, she couldn't wait to ask him.

Veronica stepped through the gateway of her own reality and made her way along the path that was stamped forever on her heart. This was only the fifth time she'd met Logan here but it had secretly become the place of her own solace, finding her way here on many occasions. She mentally counted the steps to the point, each one bringing her closer to the pinnacle of a year's waiting. Closer to Logan.

He was waiting for her as usual, a beacon in an ever changing sky.

He sensed her presence and quickly turned, taking in her appearance. His breath caught, seeing her no longer hidden from hair that was not her own, for the first time seeing all of her, _**his**_ Veronica. Her beautiful long blond hair whipped around in the wind and he wished he could freeze that moment for all eternity. This time she had come to him without disguises or pretexts and maybe that meant something. Maybe she was ready to tell him and the world how she really felt, that mistakes were made and now it was time to correct them. He rushed to hug her, eager to experience this new, unbidden Veronica.

"Veronica… it's been too long. I've missed you."

She didn't say anything, only pressed her face harder into his chest, leaned further into his embrace. It was hard to speak, every emotion inside her was running wild, threatening to spill her secrets and betray her dignity.

He pulled away slightly, a question on his mind.

"Veronica… Is everything alright?"

"When did you carve our initials?" she asked, ignoring his question.

"After the last time we were here. I'm sorry… I couldn't help it. I needed… I needed something."

"I just noticed it."

"What do you mean… just noticed it?" Logan asked, confused.

"I… ," Veronica started pulling out of his embrace, unsure of how much she should reveal. "I come here sometimes."

"You do?"

"Yes… I guess… I guess it's the closest thing I have to you."

"Oh god… Veronica," he said reaching out, only to have her slip out of his grasp. He continued despite her obvious discomfort. She had revealed more to him in that one sentence than she had in all the years before. Any hope he could hold onto, he was going to with both hands. "What are we going to do? We can't go on like this."

"I know," she admitted looking up at him through her lashes. "Just… just give me a little more time. I need time."

Logan placed his hand on her shoulder, cognizant of her need for space.

"Veronica… I'll wait. I know you don't want to hear it, but I love you and if you think there's a chance, I'll wait a thousand years."

The tears that wanted to fall since she had gotten there finally made an appearance. They flowed freely, bringing the weight of everything they represented with them.

"Logan… I… I have to go… but I promise…"

She didn't know what she was promising. Perhaps it was that she would leave Duncan, or maybe that she loved him, too. Or maybe she was repeated his promise that he'd made years earlier, that no matter what, nothing would come between them again. Those were large promises to make and she knew she would have to find the strength from somewhere to keep them.

She held his eyes, telling him more through them than she could ever articulate through her voice. His own shown with understanding and love and for the first time in a really long time, Veronica had a feeling of hope That even though her universe was about to shift in a very powerful direction, she could have hope that everything would be as it should. That just maybe, this time, true love would conquer all.

Veronica turned her back to leave the man who made the fire in her heart ignite. If she didn't leave now, she'd do something she'd infinitely regret, no matter how much she wanted it. She was still married to Duncan and he had never treated her with anything but respect. She would do the same for him. But someday, somehow she would find a way to right the mistakes she'd made. Someday, she'd be with Logan.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Veronica awoke with a smile on her face. She loved Duncan, she did, but the annual clandestine rendezvous with Logan lifted the weight on her usual heavy heart. The phone rang and only rang once before she could roll over an answer it. Looking at the alarm clock she realized it was awfully early for Duncan to be fielding business calls and the lack coffee aroma wafting through the air was an anomaly. Feeling something was amiss, Veronica grabbed her robe and went out into the hallway.

It wasn't the first time she'd seen Duncan's publicist, Joyce McEnroe, at their home so early in the morning but it was the first time she'd seen her in their private quarters. Duncan only conducted the affairs of Kane Software at the house when absolutely necessary and even then he had a very strict rule about sticking to the wing that housed his office and a small conference room. So to see Joyce in their hallway, quietly chatting with Duncan, unnerved her. After all she _**had **_been a P.I. once.

Duncan must have sensed they were no longer alone, because he turned and saw Veronica watching them. His expression was stoic; Veronica recognized it as his business face. She'd seen him use it dozens of times when the opportunity arose for her to be privy to his Kane Software dealings, but he'd never used it with her. He had always been so open and unguarded since they got married and his soft expressions had reflected that.

He told Joyce something that Veronica couldn't quite hear before she turned to leave. Duncan's face was still guarded as he beckoned for her to follow him down into the kitchen. When she stepped down the last stair, her heart dropped.

There lying across the kitchen island were about seven or so tabloids and newspapers all with photos of her and Logan gracing the front page. The magazines stood out against the black granite of the counter like flashing neon signs and the headlines ranged from "Hollywood's Favorite Son Has Secret Affair with Billionaire's Wife," to "Billionaire's Wife Gets Caught in Revolving Love Triangle."

"How long, Veronica?" Duncan asked, eerily calm.

"Please Duncan... it's not what you think," Veronica pleaded.

"How long?"

"Once a year for the past five years."

"Did you... have you..."

"I promise you Duncan, nothing has ever happened. I just meet him once a year to catch up, that's it... I swear. I would never cheat on you."

"Then why keep it a secret?"

"Because I didn't think you would understand. He was part of my life for so long Duncan... just like you. I couldn't cut him out of it completely no matter how much I wanted to. Please _**try**_ to understand."

Duncan nodded, his eyes not meeting hers.

"I have to go. The board of directors has called an emergency board meeting. This has been a major embarrassment to the company and it's only likely to get worse."

"How could... I mean we're just talking in the picture... and it's the tabloids for christ's sake."

"I doesn't matter... it's you and it's him, together, and given your past history... you should know as well as anyone that people will always draw the wrong conclusions."

"What about you Duncan... what is your conclusion?" she asked.

"I... I have to go Veronica... we can talk about this when we get home."

This time it was Veronica who was unable to meet his eyes, keeping her head down while she nodded.

"Oh and Veronica..."

"Yes, Duncan?" she asked timidly.

"I don't want you to see him anymore... ever."

Before she had time to process his demand he had grabbed his briefcase and was out the door.

**To be continued…**

**Please read and review!! You have no idea how much it helps!!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Title: "Fractured Dreams" Part 3/?**

**Author:** loveisepic/lovefan4ever

**Word Count:** 4229 for this part; 13,896 all together so far

**Rating:** PG-13

**Warnings:** Some language and adult themes

**Characters/Pairings:** Duncan/Veronica, Logan/Veronica, Jake Kane, Clarence Weidman, Lilly (the younger one), Keith

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything related to Veronica Mars. That's all Rob Thomas. I just do this for pure enjoyment and hopefully for yours, too.

**Summary:** Veronica knows that the one thing she wants most will turn her into the one person she is the most scared of becoming. LoVe eventually. FutureFic.

**Author's Notes:** Many wonderful thanks to my new beta, Roz, who really earned way more than my humble gratitude with as much work as she's had to put into this thing. But alas, that's all that I have to give her at the moment And of course much love to my constant cheerleader and friend, Emma.

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_**Six months later…**_

Veronica giggled, an honest to god giggle, as she reveled in the warm afterglow. After everything, she had never thought her life could be this happy again. They were making it work this time, a renewed promise to each other to never take anything for granted again; a promise of her own that she could see clearly reflected in his beautiful, loving eyes.

It would still take some time to put the past behind her, to dull the gnawing guilt that threatened the bliss that had been created by times like these. What had happened wasn't her fault or so everyone around her told her. But that still didn't stop the feeling that she wished she could have done things a little differently. There was no shortage of people who _**did**_ think it was her fault, Jake and Celeste Kane leading the way.

What had happened was a nightmare for everyone involved but she had to move on from it, had to concentrate on making her life better this time around. This time the choices she would be making would be for herself, not for fear of disappointing those around her or for fear of becoming someone else. She had gone down that path before and it ended badly, very badly.

Veronica slid her legs out from between her lover and laid her head back on the pillow, spreading her left arm across the bed. She sighed as once again unwanted feelings of guilt and remorse interrupted their cuddling.

"What's wrong, Veronica," he asked, his face full of concern.

"I don't know… I shouldn't be this happy, right? Things shouldn't be this easy, should they?"

"Veronica," he chided gently, "We've been over this. It's all right to be happy. What happened wasn't your fault. It. Wasn't. Your. Fault."

"I would be more apt to believe you if I could remember what happened." She paused, allowing worry to enter her voice. "What if you're wrong and they're right. What if…"

He reached over and scooped her into a tight embrace, hugging her as tightly as he ever had before.

"You're not a killer, Veronica…you're _**not**_ a killer."

Veronica shuddered with all the memories those words left in their wake. His voice full of confidence and conviction but unfortunately the cause for them being said far outweighed any comfort that they offered. This time there was more meaning behind them; not just a roof and a murder that she had no part in. This time she was right in the middle, and the events of that dreadful night weren't the only reasons for her own culpability.

"I just keep thinking that if I hadn't led him on, if I hadn't let him hope that there was a chance for us…"

"Hey look at me," he said, pulling her chin up to meet his eyes. "He knew and he went after you anyway. He knew what he was getting into all along. If he really loved you he would have never forced you to chose between love and loyalty."

Veronica shifted again so that she could snuggle into his embrace, laying her cheek against his chest before she spoke again.

"Logan," she trailed off.

"Yes?"

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Hmmm," he stopped before continuing. "I want to say no, simply because we don't have the best history with post-coital conversations, but I'll bite if only because I'm a masochist. So go ahead; ask away."

"Why did you wait six years to decide that you wanted me back," she asked.

There was an underlying insecurity in her voice and Logan felt a tug in his chest at the thought that Veronica's vulnerable side always chose to show itself in the bedroom. There was probably some long psychological name for it and an even longer explanation but Logan knew first hand the reasons for each of her fears. He'd even had a role in some of them, he thought painfully.

But even through all of his understanding he never could quite get why she always asked the hardest questions during the times she was most exposed. She always inquired about the things she didn't really want the answers to. Maybe she was just as big of a masochist as he was.

"Veronica," he shuddered, " I'm not sure you want to know. Hell, I'm not sure if _**I **_even know."

"Please, Logan…"

"Alright, but you're not going to like it. Just know, it was a really hard time for me."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_When he'd still been with Veronica he'd had a beer here and there or when he could con her into cheesy romance night, a bottle of champagne. Of course there was the couple of occasions when he and Wallace got a little tipsy at the bar right off campus during 'guys night' but it was completely innocent, far from any self-deprecating pity party he had been known to get by with in the past._

_But three blocks from Veronica's apartment, her betrayal fresh on his mind, had been as far as he got before yanking his Rover over to the liquor store and coming to a screeching halt. Truth was, that was the last he remembered of that day and next day was a little of a blur, too. The next thing he really remembered was calling movers to come pack up his stuff from the condo on the beach that he hoped to one-day share with Veronica if she would have him. _

_He had made the decision to get out of Neptune; away from Veronica and Duncan and all of Veronica's friends that had become his friends, too. Despite his and Wallace's long worked at brotherhood and Mac and his comfortable camaraderie, in the end, he knew where each of their loyalties fell. He'd hadn't even cared about walking across the stage to get his hard earned diploma, instead electing to receive in by mail wherever that was going to be. So he left and went to where every young playboy with millions to burn and even more to drown found themselves: Hollywood_

_The days and months easily turned into years with the life he was leading. The acting jobs were easy to get and even easier to keep. Being a movie star may have hit a little close to home for his liking but it kept the booze flowing, the drugs coming, the girls loose and that was about all he was interested in. At least he didn't have a wife drowning herself in the bottle or a kid he hit around and he was still too young to be considered a pervert when he banged the girls who'd just turned eighteen. There had been a lot of those, but he never touched them younger and rarely ever touched them blond, not real blond anyway._

_It was a little funny to him and probably ironic if he wanted to bring out that hundred thousand dollar English degree to make himself feel smart, that the place where he got his coke was from the same people he'd feared for his life once upon a time. Now they had him by the balls all for a different reason but he guessed that was indeed better than being six feet under. The Sorokins were bad people but they were still businessmen, astute ones at that. They knew what Veronica had on them and as long as she kept her mouth shut, they'd left her and hers alone. Besides, Logan was one of their best customers. He had lots of parties and Hollywood parties had lots of drugs._

_One day after a party, Logan had woken up to find his quasi-girlfriend had overdosed in his master bathroom. He'd rarely touched the stuff anymore but it was cocaine he had provided at one of his many parties. It was a sobering experience to walk onto the cold tile of the bathroom, half asleep, hung over from the night before only to find even colder eyes staring back at you from the floor._

_He'd gotten off easily enough. It __**was**__ still Hollywood and he __**was **__still a highly sought after actor so community service it had been. But he didn't think anything would ever be able to erase the memory that morning had provided._

_After that he'd cleaned up his act, deciding he was tired of being a Hollywood cliché. He was starting to get old enough to be pathetic and it was staring to hit a little closer to home than he would like. His heart still ached with the pain, albeit pain that dulled with the passing days, of the day that he'd walked out on Veronica for good. But he was tired of wallowing in self pity, tired of waiting for Veronica Mars to swoop in on __**her**__ white horse and save him when it was quite clear to him that she was having a hard enough time saving herself. _

_All this had been why he'd stayed away from Veronica so long. She had to have known what he had been up to but he convinced himself that she couldn't even bring herself to care. She was long since done with him and he kept telling himself the reverse was true; he was done with her._

_And then one day her beautiful face stared back at him through the steam from his morning coffee. There she had been, a vision even in black and white, in the calendar section of the LA Times. She was dutifully attached the arm of his former best friend turned arch nemesis, playing her part in the role of the happy, newly engaged couple that the media couldn't get enough of._

_It was something right out of a fairy tale, rich handsome software prince proposes to high school sweetheart, complete with murder and intrigue and even an evil doer or two. Logan figured he was first on that list._

_But her smile, that fake plastered farce and the lack of the Veronica Mars glint in her eyes went straight to his heart. For the first time in six years he wondered if the hole in her heart was as large and consuming as it was in his. If it was, he owed to her and to himself to find out. He would never forgive himself if he didn't. And so six years after he had left, he had worked up his courage, grabbed his keys and left LA in the dust. He was bound for Neptune, hoping he could pry the one thing out of it that it had been void of for years… truth._

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"See… now you know what an awful person I was and that all those tabloid stories were really true," Logan said sadly.

Veronica reached up and cupped his cheek, forcing his head down to look at her.

"Logan… we've both made mistakes. We've both tried to find ways to forget each other. The important thing is that we didn't and hopefully that has made us better people. Besides, I'm the one who's awful. Duncan never deserved that. He never deserved what I did to him, no matter what he did."

"Shhhh," he chided. "None of that now. You did what you thought was right; what you had to do. And if I hadn't been such a jackass and waited until right before your wedding, things might have been very different and you wouldn't be in this position."

Veronica pulled her hand from his face and looked down into his chest, unable to look him into the eyes.

"Logan," she started, unsure of herself. "There is something I need to tell you about that day," she continued, stammering. "The day you came to see me. Something happened…"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_It was a different door, a different place entirely but it still effectively served its purpose in shutting Logan out of her life, probably for good this time. Could she really let that happen? One thing was for sure, though, she wasn't that girl anymore, the one that he walked out on six years ago. Time had numbed her, Duncan had molded her and the fire she used to feel within herself for Logan and that life in general had long been extinguished. Duncan was safe and normal and she just didn__'__t know if she had it in her to take another ride on the Logan roller coaster._

_She collapsed against the large wooden door breathing slowly and evenly, just the way that yoga instructor Duncan hired had taught her. Six years. He had waited six damn years to trounce back into her life with his long legs and broad shoulders, strong hands, loving eyes and epic dreams. Veronica__'__s eyes flew open with the sudden realization that she__'__d let him go one too many times and she couldn__'__t do it again. The door flew open and she ran down the sidewalk, before she had a chance to change her mind._

_"Logan," she called. "Logan, wait!"_

_It was no use; his car was nowhere in sight. As her shoulders slumped, she began to cry and she told herself that she couldn__'__t marry Duncan, not when her heart still literally ached for the love of another man. Damn the fear of becoming her mother. She__'__d break promises, yes, but if she went through with this marriage, her mother is exactly who she would become._

_Veronica__'__s hands covered her face as the tears continued to fall, remembering what she lost and what she__ was__ going to have to sacrifice to get it back. She opened her eyes only to be greeted by newly offensive metal residing on the ring finger of her left hand. Dropping her hands, she pulled the ring off in silent assurance of decisions made. It was only when she looked up that she saw him, sly and unassuming, parked a little way down the street._

_The blood rushed to her head as her anger grew at the sight of his silver sedan. There would be only two reasons why he would be here, parked out in front of her house. And it really was a crap shoot as to which Kane had sunk the lowest by having her spied on. But hell or high water, she was going to find out._

_"What the hell are you doing here, Weidman?!"_

_"Miss Mars," he stated. "Mr. Kane would like to have a word with you."_

_Ah, yes. Jake- she couldn__'__t say she was surprised._

_"Is that so," Veronica drawled. "Well I would like a word, or few, with him too. Isn__'__t that convenient?"_

_"The Kane residence- one hour. And Mr. Kane asked that you not mention this to Duncan."_

_"I__'__ll guess that__'__s up to my own discretion."_

_"Goodbye Miss Mars," he told her before driving off, his words still hanging in the air._

_After going back into the house to calm down, Veronica got in her car and drove over to Kane mansion, showing up promptly one hour later just like a good little Kane-to-be should. She had to admit, despite being extremely wary of the possible subject matter of this meeting, her curiosity was definitely getting the better of her. And although she had a pretty good idea what the meeting might be about, she wasn't completely sure. These days her investigative skills were rusty to say the least, but there was no way it was a total coincidence that this meeting coincided with Logan showing up at her door. She wouldn__'__t have to wait long, though, because Jake answered the door and invited her up to his office._

_"Veronica, glad you could make it."_

_"Why do I get the feeling that this meeting is not about last minute changes in the seating chart for the reception?"_

_"You always were a smart one," Jake said, pausing a moment before continuing. "I see you__'__re missing an important piece of jewelry, Veronica. I don__'__t know how I__'__d ever keep up with mine if I took it off," he stated, eyeing her expectantly._

_Veronica looked down at her hand. She__'__d forgotten to put her ring on before she came over here. The last thing she wanted was for Jake to be asking questions before she even had a chance to talk to Duncan. Of course, she supposed it wouldn__'__t matter. Clarence Weidman probably filled him in on any details of what he saw outside her house, anyway. Nonetheless, she was uncomfortable in how this conversation was going._

_"Yeah, I took it off for a while," she said, playing with the skin where the ring usually resided. "I must have forgot to put it back on. Silly me."_

_"Well, I__'__m sure it__'__s easy to do. Day after tomorrow you__'__ll have another ring to keep up with, too. Duncan is very excited. Are you excited Veronica?"_

_"Yes. Of course I am," she said in a neutral tone, feeling like the conversation was heading in a direction that she wasn't going to like._

_"That__'__s good, Veronica, because you make Duncan very happy. Marrying you is his dream come true."_

_"That__'__s," she trailed off as he interrupted her._

_He continued on, turning away from her and looking out the window, not giving her a chance to speak. _

_"Yes. I__'__ve never seen him so happy or so healthy. You know he hasn__'__t had one seizure since you two became engaged? Not one. I guess that__'__s what love has done to him- kept him healthy. I hate to see Duncan unhealthy." He paused before continuing deliberately. "Don__'__t you Veronica?"_

_He turned around, facing her again. There was a slight warning in his voice and she might have missed it if it weren__'__t for the fact that it was Jake Kane she was talking to. He the king of lies and manipulation._

_"No," she replied, swallowing thickly._

_"Good. I know you will make him very happy. And speaking of happy, Veronica. You__'__re Dad- he really likes being Sheriff, doesn__'__t he?"_

_"You wouldn__'__t."_

_He again cut her off, not waiting for her to comment further._

_"He__'__s a good Sheriff," he stated matter-of-factly. "I would hate if something happened and he wasn__'__t the Sheriff anymore. But I__'__m sure that__'__s not likely to happen, right Veronica?"_

_And there was the bombshell. She had been waiting for it ever since she walked across the threshold into the lion__'__s den. They__'__d wore her down, gradually plucking little pieces of warrior Veronica out of her until they had her where they wanted her- under their thumb. And her Dad, she__'__d already cost him the position of Sheriff once before, how could she do that to him again. Jake was right He had been so happy lately and she was sure reclaiming his duty to protect and serve had everything to do with that._

_So that was the deal. She would marry Duncan and make him happily ever after and her father would stay sheriff. Her father would be happy. After everything that had happened- after every curve ball that had been thrown Keith Mars' way- he would get to keep his role as protector- for her and everyone else in Neptune. How could she take that away from him?_

_It wasn't like she didn't love Duncan, either. It wasn't all fire and passion but she did care about him and Lilly. And she had made a promise to Meg a long time ago to help Duncan look after their little girl. The Mannings were less likely to ever get unsupervised visitation if he had a stable family. How could she turn her back on them both now?_

_There it was. The Kane's would win again. And it probably only made the pot that much sweeter that Jake could exact a little revenge on Logan, too. After all it was his family that had caused his so much pain. It didn't matter in his mind that Logan was the farthest thing from his father. No, the Kane's would get their due and it didn't matter who or what was trampled over in the process._

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Omigod, Veronica. I'm sorry. I had no idea; if I would have known," he confessed, trailing off helplessly.

"How can you apologize Logan? I mean how can you even bear to look at me? I sold you out for my Father's job and an old promise that I was too young to make," she told him guiltily.

Logan grabbed her face again and forced her to look at him, to take in the sincerity in his eyes.

"Veronica. That's one of the reasons why I love you so much. You'll do anything for those you love."

"But I _**love**_ you and I still,"

She was interrupted by a loud knock on the door, aware that whoever it was must have been pounding for them to hear it all the way back in the bedroom.

"Let Maria get it. I'm not moving," Logan told her playfully.

"We let the staff have the day off, remember?"

"Ugh," he complained, throwing his arm over his face. "Ok. I'll get it. You stay here and we will continue this conversation where we left off. If you don't put your clothes back on, I'll let you make it up to me in a variety of ways," he told her with a suggestive smirk before getting out of bed.

"Pig."

"Don't try to hide the fact that you love it."

She smiled up at him while she watched him slide his jeans on, trying to mask the uneasiness she felt. He always had a way over making her feel better but something was very wrong; she could feel it down in her bones. Veronica had the feeling that her world was about to come crashing down around her, again. And just when she was beginning to build from the ashes.

The knock became a frantic pounding by the time he had gotten to the door and threw it open. He was ready to lay into whoever had dared to break into his Veronica time but the sight of the brand new Balboa County Sheriff and a few other deputies standing ominously in front of him shocked him into silence.

His heart plummeted into his stomach, knowing that they hadn't come all the way to L.A. for a friendly chat. The sheriff confirmed that fact when he produced a white sheet a paper and held it out in front of him.

"We need to see Veronica Mars-Kane. I have a warrant for her arrest," he stated, firmly pushing past into the mansion.

"She's not," he trailed off.

"Save it lover-boy. We know she's here. This will be better for everyone if she comes quietly."

"I'm not letting you take her. I will," he started angrily before a small, demure voice cut in.

Veronica placed her hand on his arm trying to calm and comfort him at the same time. There was no use making things harder than they were going to be for them both.

"It's ok, Logan. Let me go with them. He's right It will make it easier on every one."

The sheriff nodded and one of the deputies turned Veronica around to cuff her.

"Veronica Mars-Kane, you are under the arrest for the murder of Duncan Kane. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law."

The words faded into nothingness as she looked into the rage-clouded eyes of the one man she had given everything up for. She was frightened and she needed the assurance that only he could give her.

"Murder?! Are you crazy?! You sons-of bitches," Logan fumed.

"Logan, please," she begged.

Veronica wasn't just scared for herself. If one thing hadn't changed about Logan Echolls, it was his temper. She was afraid he would do something incredibly stupid and then they both would end up in jail. One was enough.

"Please Logan," she implored. "I need to you stay strong, please."

Logan watched helplessly as they led the love of his life away in handcuffs. She didn't do it, didn't do what they said she did and he was going to prove it. One way or another Veronica was not going to prison for something she didn't' do. He didn't care if he had to go against Jake Kane and the whole damn police department. Whatever it took, whatever he had to do, he would do it.

Just before her head ducked into the back of the police cruiser, she turned for one last look at the life she should have had in the beginning. She found Logan looking back at her, the intensity in his eyes surpassed by none other. He caught her gaze and mouthed the words, "I love you."

She smiled, knowing that things were only going to get worse but she found herself not caring as much as she did moments before. Logan loved her, she loved him and they had come too, too far to give up now. They were epic, now more so than ever and she had to believe that, had to believe in them. She replied simply.

"I know."

Because she _**did **_know and those words, along with everything they represented, would have to be the lifeline that she would surely need in the days to come.

To be continued…

Comments…. Please?? By now you know they feed me.


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